We've all heard about them, sometimes its hearsay, sometimes its first hand. But dating disasters have been a part of courting since getting to know someone became a prerequisite to having a relationship with them.
Pre internet, there were a whole range of potential dangers to dating. When dating, you are getting to know someone. This in itself entails you do not know them, yet you are spending time with them. This creates a risk which, when it goes wrong, turns into a dating disaster.
Fortunately, most dating disasters are pretty safe. They only cost you a bit of time and for that time you learn something about yourself. (at the very least you'll learn that you don't like certain characteristics or behaviors) Occasionally though a dating disaster can be dangerous, putting your person or property at risk. It is these dating disasters that we hear about most often.
Apart from the obvious damage these occasions cause fo the innocent participant of the date, the recounting of the story creates another issue. Often, when these stories are recounted third and fourth hand, they get worse and worse in the telling. Unfortunately they can leave other people (the ones hearing the tales) scared to date, afraid to go out and meet new people. The loneliness this causes for these other people then becomes an added injury to the one sustained on the date.
Recently (as compared to the history of dating) the internet arrived. There is something that many people don't understand about dating and the internet though. When the internet came to dating, nothing changed regarding these dangers. All the internet did was bring to you a new method of meeting people. Internet dating is just a computerised introductions service.
Many people don't have the sense to understand this though. As such, when using the internet and dating sites to meet people, the following two mistakes are common:
1. You think internet dating is actually dating. That is, you forget you only really get to know someone once you meet them in real life and spend time with them.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
At some niche dating websites, finding a bed mate rather than a soul mate is the goal. On these dating sites the two issues above are exaccerbated. When all someone wants is sex, they don't want to get to know you, they don't particularly care that you don't know them. So they will hide from you the characteristics they think you don't want to see and only give you what they believe you do want to see. This is not dating. So don't expect the norms of dating to apply.
The quicker you understand that all internet dating sites are, are a new forum to meet people, the safer your internet dating will be. So please, never let this escape your mind. Dating sites are an online yellow pages, a hi-tech newspaper personals column, or an electronic social event. Its where you meet people and get their contact information and that is where their usefulness ends.
When dating, I believe everyone should put safety first. You don't really know the person you are dating yet (Ie. thats the whole point of the exercise), so don't assume they are as trustworthy as you. You can never have a successful dating experience anyway, if you have doubts about your safety. So to help, I'd like to suggest you adhere to the following 6 guidelines when using the internet to help with your dating experience:
1. Understand the role dating sites play. Ie. They are there to help you find people. Thats where their purpose ends.
2. Recognise that niche online dating sites attract the personality types they cater to. Only join the ones you think will attract the people you are interested in.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you progress your dating into the real world (Ie. when you decide to really meet someone you found on the internet) recognise the person you have been communicating with may have been a facade. So approach the situation with the same caution you would with any first date. And start to get to know the person. YES. This is your first date. NO. Those long chat room sessions were not.
5. If you are ever in doubt, get out. Put safety first with every internet arranged date.
6. If you strike out once or twice, recognise you've found personalities which you don't match. Try to avoid throwing out the baby with the bath water though. Don't give up. Try again.
Pre internet, there were a whole range of potential dangers to dating. When dating, you are getting to know someone. This in itself entails you do not know them, yet you are spending time with them. This creates a risk which, when it goes wrong, turns into a dating disaster.
Fortunately, most dating disasters are pretty safe. They only cost you a bit of time and for that time you learn something about yourself. (at the very least you'll learn that you don't like certain characteristics or behaviors) Occasionally though a dating disaster can be dangerous, putting your person or property at risk. It is these dating disasters that we hear about most often.
Apart from the obvious damage these occasions cause fo the innocent participant of the date, the recounting of the story creates another issue. Often, when these stories are recounted third and fourth hand, they get worse and worse in the telling. Unfortunately they can leave other people (the ones hearing the tales) scared to date, afraid to go out and meet new people. The loneliness this causes for these other people then becomes an added injury to the one sustained on the date.
Recently (as compared to the history of dating) the internet arrived. There is something that many people don't understand about dating and the internet though. When the internet came to dating, nothing changed regarding these dangers. All the internet did was bring to you a new method of meeting people. Internet dating is just a computerised introductions service.
Many people don't have the sense to understand this though. As such, when using the internet and dating sites to meet people, the following two mistakes are common:
1. You think internet dating is actually dating. That is, you forget you only really get to know someone once you meet them in real life and spend time with them.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
At some niche dating websites, finding a bed mate rather than a soul mate is the goal. On these dating sites the two issues above are exaccerbated. When all someone wants is sex, they don't want to get to know you, they don't particularly care that you don't know them. So they will hide from you the characteristics they think you don't want to see and only give you what they believe you do want to see. This is not dating. So don't expect the norms of dating to apply.
The quicker you understand that all internet dating sites are, are a new forum to meet people, the safer your internet dating will be. So please, never let this escape your mind. Dating sites are an online yellow pages, a hi-tech newspaper personals column, or an electronic social event. Its where you meet people and get their contact information and that is where their usefulness ends.
When dating, I believe everyone should put safety first. You don't really know the person you are dating yet (Ie. thats the whole point of the exercise), so don't assume they are as trustworthy as you. You can never have a successful dating experience anyway, if you have doubts about your safety. So to help, I'd like to suggest you adhere to the following 6 guidelines when using the internet to help with your dating experience:
1. Understand the role dating sites play. Ie. They are there to help you find people. Thats where their purpose ends.
2. Recognise that niche online dating sites attract the personality types they cater to. Only join the ones you think will attract the people you are interested in.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you progress your dating into the real world (Ie. when you decide to really meet someone you found on the internet) recognise the person you have been communicating with may have been a facade. So approach the situation with the same caution you would with any first date. And start to get to know the person. YES. This is your first date. NO. Those long chat room sessions were not.
5. If you are ever in doubt, get out. Put safety first with every internet arranged date.
6. If you strike out once or twice, recognise you've found personalities which you don't match. Try to avoid throwing out the baby with the bath water though. Don't give up. Try again.
About the Author:
Jayde Johanssen, worried about the emergence of internet dating predators, promotes safety first with internet dating, particularly at adult dating sites Get a totally unique version of this article from our article submission service
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