Most of us think that when trust is broken in a relationship, it is almost impossible to rebuild. However, if you wronged your partner and broke their trust (say, by cheating on them), it can be rebuilt if you follow a few important steps.
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this. You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.
This is a very powerful way to begin to rebuild trust! It is very far from all the excuses and obfuscation we usually get when there is a big problem. I messed up and I accept responsibility is a potent act - if you mean it and are sincere.
Step 2 builds on this. You tell your ex that what you did caused pain, and here is the pain you believe you caused.
Your partner is hurting over what happened. So you own up to their hurt feelings as well, since you caused them! "I know I caused you pain, and left you broken hearted..."
Amazing! This too is different from what your mate expects to hear. Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused. You've not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
Most apologies don't work because they miss these two steps. Accept blame for what you did and let your mate know you understand the emotional pain you caused. When you do this, your apology is much more effective towards rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but these first two can take you a long way.
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this. You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.
This is a very powerful way to begin to rebuild trust! It is very far from all the excuses and obfuscation we usually get when there is a big problem. I messed up and I accept responsibility is a potent act - if you mean it and are sincere.
Step 2 builds on this. You tell your ex that what you did caused pain, and here is the pain you believe you caused.
Your partner is hurting over what happened. So you own up to their hurt feelings as well, since you caused them! "I know I caused you pain, and left you broken hearted..."
Amazing! This too is different from what your mate expects to hear. Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused. You've not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
Most apologies don't work because they miss these two steps. Accept blame for what you did and let your mate know you understand the emotional pain you caused. When you do this, your apology is much more effective towards rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but these first two can take you a long way.
About the Author:
You can discover a complete 7 Step Reconnect Strategy to get your ex back in a book about Relationship Advice to Get Your Ex Back. John Laney teaches relationship skillsand you can get a free course here on 7 Vital Love Insights You Should Know.
No comments:
Post a Comment